Harmonious Living

In the last 6 months I have heard a lot of stories of people living with "neighbours from Hell". Perhaps I am more aware of it and am so seeking these kinds of posts/comments as I too am suffering at the hands of such neighbours.

Since moving in here I have been utterly amazed at how much noise can affect your life detrimentally and at how unaware of others some people can be, especially when living in close proximity. It brings me back to our sense of community. How have tribes around the world been able to do it. How do communes do it. Why are we with all our knowledge and so called modernity unable to be respectful of our neighbours. To think how would I feel if that was happening to me.

The day I moved in, I changed the locks and that resulted in some drilling. Within about 5 mins the woman from upstairs had come downstairs to tell me the noise had to stop. It was 8pm on a Sunday evening and she was now having to go out for dinner because of my noise. I was shamefaced and a little upset. I wanted to get on with my neighbours and I was only changing the locks to feel safe in my new home. That very same evening, 2 hrs later, this same woman was slamming doors and talking so loudly I could hear everything below her flat. I thought perhaps she was getting her own back. Oh no! That was just the way she was. For the next month I did not get a single night's sleep because of the noise from her flat. From loud music, to shouting matches with her partner, to late night parties, to loud radios in the morning, to consistent door slamming. I felt truly like I had falled into a pit of pure pain.

The truly amazing thing was she was obviously sensitive to noise or she would not have come down to tell me to stop. Yet was utterly unaware of her actions. Before she left the building ( and she thankfully did) we did infact have a nice chat and she was very friendly. But still totally unaware of her noise levels. I did mention as politely as I could and she could not entertain the idea. Instead she talked about how noisy HER neighbours below her were! How was this possible? Was I doing the same? Thankfully not. I spoke to my neighbours in turns, passing each other in the halls and it turned out that 2 things were consistent. No one had any complaints about me making any noise. Quiet as a mouse said my neighbour. Second the same people who complained about noise made the most themselves.

Oh isnt't it awful when all you hear is the front door slamming says one. Cue the next time they go out- slam! And this not once but time and again. So somewhere between experiencing the issue and then being the issue what fell short. I would say its the old saying of walking in another man's shoes. I dont live on the ground floor, but I can imagine that the people who live down there get a lot of noise from the main door, from the people above them and the street so I dont want to add to that. I dont have a new born baby, but I can imagine that if there was somone with a young child I would not want to be making too much noise late at night. I'm no saint. I play my music loud sometimes, but not deafening. I dance around the flat, but wouldnt wear heels and do that on a wooden floor. Mainly because I dont want to be told I have impinged on someone else's space and time.

Yet the very same type of mentality that throws litter on the ground, that doesn't feel compelled to give an old lady or a pregnant woman a seat on the train, that says oh isn't it awful the level of criminality during the riots, but fiddles their tax return or sees someone drop something and keeps it than hand it over; can infllict on others and only be concerned when they are affected. Is unable to be mindful of others.

I shall continue to close doors quietly, to buy plants for the front porch to the building, to hoover the communal area that is my responsibility because that is the kind of community I want to live in. Though it makes me sad when I dont see it reciprocated there are nuggets of joy. Talking to the lady downstairs I told her what a hard time it had been with all the noise, chatted about other things and then went back to my housework, Half an hour later as I was hoovering the communal stairs she told me they had just hoovered their bit, and had put my potted plants in prime position by the front door. You remind me of my daughter she said. Exactly! We are all someone's daughter. We share space with someone's mother, sister, father, son. That is how community works. By creating with awareness an extended family.

In a community whether tribal or a commune, people learn to live together. To think of your neighbour as well as yourself. As well as, ie in the same way as you do for yourself. I don't like this, will someone else? When we feel that we are isolated, when we live in the fantasy constructs of big brother and celeb culture, we don't think we have to bother with anyone else. We are the stars of our own show and no one else gets a look in. If we cannot feel peaceful and relaxed in our own homes, then how can we contribute to the world, to society. If I have been disturbed by hammering and drilling all day, I feel disturbed. If the day has been peaceful, I feel at peace too. I can then take that out into the day. So maybe Everyman cannot change the issues across the world instantly. But we can change things at home, literally, with our neighbours. Like a country with it's borders. We can choose to create enemies and then build defences or attack. Or we can find a way to live side by side, in the knowledge that this peace will also be something we can take into our jobs and day to day life. And so into the World.