Intention at Occupy London

Today's circle at The Bank of Ideas was the hardest of the last 2 weeks. The space had a very different energy today, perhaps as the eviction looms.

When I walked in, I noticed the initial open doors policy had been replaced with a make shift security system. I thought Id arrived at the wrong place at first and as I stood on the doorstep with my 2 hand drums and  wrapped in layers to keep out the cold, the door was opened and I was greeted by a really friendly security guy. As I walked through the building the buzz had been replaced today with a mutedness. Not of spirit or intention, just it seemed of weariness. Of fighting the good fight, being in the 99% and yet where is the shift in the 1%? The state of limbo from the world we know and want to change to the world that is yet to be birthed. Some people may feel that pre Christmas fatigue from too much shopping, drinking, partying, eating, cooking. Here it was being felt at a deeper level. And there was still the uncertainty of the future.

As the temperatures have dropped, so the Bank was bitterly cold in some rooms. The night before there had been a cabaret and so people were also tired from that. So all in all a very different vibe to the buzz of last week and I felt that and it left me feeling unsure. Should I even be here? If people are tired and nursing hangovers do they really want a couple of people banging drums and sitting in circle burning sage and talking about Unconditional Love?

My friend and I started to set up the space. As he went to chat to people and invite them to join us I drummed and cleared the space. The whole time thinking why am I here? Today even my intention was not clear or as strong.

He came back to tell me lunch was just being served and people were busy with that but there was a lot of interest. And I was starting to notice this trend. Of desires and intention coming from the heart, from the fire of deep seated passions and then somehow these losing a focus. Or a follow through. We were joined by a man from Canada who started to share with us his journey and how he was at a point in his life where he was unsure of the next step. He was looking to re connect with himself. A man came in with  a bowl of food. My friend asked him to join. He sat with us with his plate of food and started to tell us his name, how to spell it ( with a number at the end) why he was here, what he thought of the government and much more. It was hard to know where his focus was. His mind seemed to dart from one thought to the next. He liked the smell of the sage, he said he would be sleeping here tonight in this large, cold room. He had his suitcase and a pillow with him.

We were joined by 2 others. Their stories shared started to reveal that today's circle had a common theme: homelessness and a real need to feel safe. One told me he had been on the streets for a month and it was just too much for him. He was young, probably still in his teens. He had come to the Bank for shelter. He said  it was warm, the people were nice and he felt safe. There was also food and he liked being here. His needs were simple, to feel safe, to be warm, to be part of a community. He wanted to feel like he was part of something. His friend said much the same too. Of wanting to feel part of something, to be part of a community and the only community they had found to do that had been the Occupy Movement, that had asked nothing in return. Instead offered free food, shelter and that sense of one-ness. Just holding that space on a daily basis is a big thing for people to do day in day out with no returns and I was starting to see how that was also impacting on the people holding this space, this movement.

After sharing in circle, we started to open our voices. The concept of singing makes people think they may have to hold a tune, instead of just letting sound out. The intention behind this- to access our sense of Inner Freedom, of allowing our Truth out. How can we fight for Freedom when we have yet to taste it. But we had still not called in the Elements and we needed to do that. Except the circle kept shifting. Now the man who spelt his name with a number had left, someone else had joined and suddenly we had a new energy to this collective. And now we were exchanging names again and our stories and dreams. And still there remained the common thread. Homelessness. Pasts that people wanted to leave behind, and a yearning for a new way of being. A yearning to be in the heart to be in the Truth.

So we sang in a round, opening to sounds. I had been a bit sceptical, would people actually go for this, would they be too shy?  Still people walked in and out of the room. At the end of the room a man with a dog was just sat watching us with a mug of tea. I was finding focus so hard this time in this space. I could hear noises from all the other rooms. Yet the sounds people started to release were beautiful. Primal, connected, heart felt and the circle did that person by person. We found a faltering, shy harmony, based on our own individual truths. The man with the dog had joined us by now and the dog lay between us at our feet.

We stopped and shared. The man from Canada said he was so happy to be in a space where people were so free and honest. We then took this onto our feet and brought some gentle drum beats in. The intention had been to get people used to the drum and the voice. Still we had not called in the elements. Every time I went to do that, something distracted us. So we stood and sang and my friend provided a gentle drum beat. And we found a stronger circle connection. Then as we drew to a close, 2 of the members left. Had they had enough? Were they called somewhere else? I dont know. I opened my eyes and they were gone. So we closed the circle. And I felt the loss. We had just built a bond and they then left. And yet somewhere in that I felt the resonance of their stories they had shared, of the displacement and the homelessness. It was if that lack of stability, that lack of focus was now a part of their inner dialogue. That at any given moment they could get up and leave.

I know people in my life who have slept on the streets. I have never thankfully been in that position. The closest I came was last year, when after having moved places 3 times in one year, I was faced with a 4th move 10 days before Christmas and nowhere to go. I walked the streets in the snow every day in that time period looking for a place to live and that sense of fear and panic at where would I sleep/live was one of the most painful times in my life. I did have a safety net. I had and have dear friends and also family who were able to help. Had I not, I truly do not know where I would be now. But as I moved around and slept on floors, I started to get that sense of scatteredness in my being. My mind was constantly racing, I was distracted by things easily and could not stay focused on anything for very long. My heart was constantly racing. It is very hard to describe. Home is security and safety. Which allows us to be in our Truth and in our Power. When that is gone then the things we take for granted like warmth, clean clothes, feeling good in our bodies because we had a good nights sleep, or just knowing we will be able to sleep become priorities. And then things like intentions of life purpose, joy, love become things more and more alien. So in our circle which was now being made up of this common thread I was seeing that. A real yearning for love, yet ask someone what their intention was for this circle, for the year to come and it was hard to get an answer. To get those thoughts ordered. I asked one man and he said he didnt know, then that he had said it already. When I asked him again, and I was pushy with it, what do you want in your life in 2012?- he stopped. Then said, I want a new start, I want the pain of the past to leave my life, I want my life to start. He wanted to feel connected to his essence and to live it and he expressed that so beautifully.

We finally called in the elements and this time I also asked one of the circle who had been there last time to join in this. He called in the elements of Water and Earth. Calling them in for us all to connect with the might, the energy, the wisdom. To bring us closer to our environment and to ourselves. He had never done this before, but we needed at least a third person or my friend and I would be calling in 7 times between us! And he did this with such grace and poetry. Words flowed from him, in meter and rhyme. It was so very powerful and heartfelt and incredible. Last week he did not understand what any of this meant and had asked why we did this. This week it was like he had done this his whole life. It was so very beautiful. Awe inspiring.

And so we drummed and sang. And it was hard going. Very hard. People kept walking in and out. I could hear people coming in and taking photos on their phones. Sometimes I opened my eyes to see people just watching us. The circle was mixed, some were sitting, some new people had joined and they were lying down, some were standing. And so we drummed and we sang. And then we sang without the drum and still it felt hard. The room was freezing cold. And then just like that something happened and it was as if the drums took on a life of their own. Even with my eyes shut, the light in the room seened to change and suddenly the voices took on a different resonance and it felt like there was singing coming from all around us. I saw our ragged circle, some on the floor, some sitting some standing singing and moving their feet. We had been guided down a real wayward path this afternoon and then right here right in this moment was a sense of unity and power and connection with such vulnerability that my heart felt the beauty and pain of that.

Afterwards we shared, we held hands and we closed circle. Speaking our heart felt Truths. We were a circle of 7 men and one woman ( me)! and this had been a very unique experience. A myriad of experiences and stories in one space. We had set our intentions with our sticks of sage again to release later. And just as we closed one of the men who had left to go to a meeting had returned. He was the one who had struggled to initially voice his intention. He said he still had his stick of sage, were we still going to be doing a ceremony and drumming, he wanted to focus his intention. His child like open-ness and desire is still in my heart now. He came back! I liked the fact we were still there in circle. That he did not come back to am empty room. Somehow that felt healing in itself. At least I hope so.

There has been such a beauty and open-ness to all who I have met in these circles at Occupy. People you look at immediately and shamefully make a judgement on- they will never get this, this isnt their thing- open their mouths and such a yearning for Love and Change flows. Such a desire for Community and not for companionship in a selfish sense but for equality and a new way of being. And such an open-ness to Spirit, to the elements, a respect for the world we live in, the environment and a real desire to help those who need it. I have met gentle, inquisitive, hurt, articulate, bright, creative souls. And the intelligence of debate and the open heartedness has truly humbled me. I have received warm, open, heart -exposed hugs. And the same words are repeated: Love, Community, Unity, Unconditional Love, Change.  As we left the space one of the women who had sat in circle with us 2 weeks ago, who had said she had just felt drawn to the space, and she didnt know why, was now holding a workshop. She was surrounded by a group of people all listening as she spoke on something. She was now holding her own space, in this reclaimed building in the centre of London.

Far from being a flash in the pan or a nuisance, the Occupy Movement is a heart centred consciousness that has taken to the streets. Because it is Heart and Peace led, it gets bruised, and the people in it feel things deeply. Because it is heart led it is attracting many elements of society who have been yearning or searching. Because it is Heart led, I believe it is the first, loud cry for change and the New we shall step into. The wayward circle showed me today, that the will of the collective is hard to be a part of, to put aside the ego and the mind. That as this many limbed creation struggles to crawl and walk, there will be times when it feels like pushing a mountain up a hill, times when the focus will be lost and times when things will need to be taken at a slower pace. As long as the collective is able to find a way to manage this new creation, this multi limbed, big hearted, creative, at times confused, at times utterly in flow creation, then it will be this energy that shall ride the shifts to come and create the ripples amongst us all to break free in our personal and global lives. Occupy is the beginning of the call to truly come home to ourselves and our Global Community. To Occupy the One-ness in all things, in us all. It is hard, yet there are a tasters of the Beauty that can be.

The next circle shall be at The Tent City University, outside St Paul's on Monday 19th 4pm.

Till the next meeting.